Thursday, May 1, 2014

A calling.

You know those stories where a big storm is approaching a sleepy, little town and everyone prepares as much as they can before it arrives? The extreme situation sheds new light on everyone's lives and there's this expectation that things will never be the same when the storm passes. It's a motif I've seen in movies and books and tv shows.

The three day long marathon of rain that has descended on Baltimore and the surrounding areas has felt eerily like one of those life changing storms from those stories. I haven't seen the sun since Sunday and my time has been filled with hammering out plans for when the lease is up at the apartment as well as some serious thinking about what I want to do in the distant future, not just the near one.

I know I want to write even though I've hardly had time and I also know that I've felt different since this. I've never felt particularly capable of bearing the emotional weight of others or helping people through bad times. I've always known that I'll do anything for the people I love but to be honest, I'd never really tested that. My newest realization is that I am capable of putting my own comfort aside for others. I want to find a way to do it more. I want to find a way to make a difference. I'm just not sure how to do it yet.

Maybe it's the days and days of rain making me over think things or maybe it's that I'm learning to trust myself more but I just want to find a way to make use of this fully equipped body and mind that I'm lucky enough to possess. I know what I want my career to be but I feel the urge to find what my contribution will be. Not a contribution in the artistic sense but in a simpler, more tangible sense.

I want to find a way to help people.


  1. I totally understand. I've been pondering what direction I want to move in next... and I keep coming up with the same thing. I want to be able to help people. The question that keeps coming up for me is, "How?"

    1. That's the same question I'm struggling with. I want t find the perfect thing.


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